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So, it seems I was able to sleep from 8:30 pm until roughly 10:30 pm. After waking up (as is custom when I sleep early), I couldn't fall back asleep. I've never counted to 3,637 before, but I don't plan on doing it again anytime soon.

Seeking better bringers of slumber, I turned from counting sheep/whatever I was counting to reading. After roughly a hundred pages, I couldn't read anymore for that span. I may try again soon, though the goal will not be sleep.

So here I am, 3:53 am, fully aware I won't be able to sleep tonight at all. Fully aware I will be wrangling a kindergartener most likely all day. Fully aware that I have to be up early again tomorrow to get that ride to Syracuse for that Conference.

Oh, and squeeze laundry in there somewhere. I should probably do that, since I didn't today.

Tack that on to having what I think is a mild head cold, and the stuff going on with Beth, it proves once again that life, is indeed, awesome.

Earlier I felt numb. Then I felt like crying. Now, in my mostly sleep deprived state, I feel as if I stand on the top of a narrow mountain, the summit flat and only a few feet across, ten at the most. The slopes surrounding me are vertical, and the summit is barren. Surrounding the mountain are endless grasslands, hundreds, if not thousands, of feet below me. At the moment, it isn't despair. It isn't a feeling of helplessness. It isn't one of all hope being lost.

More of a feeling of "Fuck. What do I do now."

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nomnomchuupie

April 2010

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