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I don't have anything really all that interesting to post here really.

Well, I do, it's just that I can't figure out how to get it out in a post.

So I'll just say that there is some sad news going in in the academic world (2 deaths at the college: the history professor I tutored for and worked closely with for about half of my academic career here, Linda Nelson, and the academic adviser for the honor society I am a member of, Joe Sarnoff). And, of course, the school is clamming up about any reports on what happened.

I am especially concerned about the wording of the releases: Joe Sarnoff passed away (which, to me, indicates an illness, etc.), while Linda Nelson was found dead (perhaps indicating a suicide). Be nice if they let us know anything other than the bare facts.

Kindergarten is going well. Since the previous behavioral plan wasn't working all that well, it is time for a new one. So, implementation time!

I was also approved by the BOE for my position in the classroom for hte rest of the year.

Things with Beth are much, much better, which makes me a very happy Brychuu.

*Looks at the clock* Oh. I need to shower and shave before school. I should get on that.
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I made the attempt to stay at that meeting last night. I was on board, listening to the PILOT Stuff (Payment in Lieu of Taxes for the Hospital), and found it almost interesting. I was on board listening to the new plan for dividing a math class into two sections (even though it took some people asking the same question four times in succession until they understood, with the same answer), and I was even on board listening to the new science plan.

But when there was a half hour to forty minute discussion on moving a plaque and putting up a sign? Heaven forefend. Won't someone think of the children?

I'm confident I was approved last night, and all was not a waste, as I did meet a few of the board members (which may be important in the coming year for me). So, i'm sure Larry will come up to me and say "Sorry, you didn't get approved), wait for me to be sad, and then laugh jokingly. I'm sure Kate will laugh that I was stuck listening to that thrilling conversation at the meeting, until I remind her that her husband was stuck longer than I was (though he probably gets paid to go).

Anyway, back to Kindergarten regardless today.

I am very proud of Beth, she is back in Grad school, doing something she is very passionate about: Computers =) I'm also glad that she is significantly less depressed, it makes me happy to see her happy indeed.

As for the rest of life...wait...there is more to life than working, sleeping, watching the Rangers lose, and my hour or so with Beth?

I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. Please, tell me more.
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Well, another weekend gone. What to say about it?

Aside from a small portion, last night was good. Beth and I had dinner at Eben's Hearth, and then wandered the mall in Massena; something I haven't done in a while. We had a good time, and I think the best part was driving down 56, singing to the Seatbelts like we used to. We are Doggy Doggy Dogs! Heehee.

Then back to my place to watch the last two episodes of the 10th Doctor. No tears, but lots of "what the fuck?"

The blip last night? We are lying in bed, and I asked Beth what she was thinking. After all, we had a rather good night hanging out together, as perfect as it has been lately (it even felt like the world around us stopped for a little bit!), and she tells me I don't want to hear it. Alarm bells naturally go off in my head, because I know what that means right now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Why, after such a pleasant night of just us, are her last thoughts of the night focus on Morgan?

Yes, the green eyed monster. Jealousy. Even though I have been constantly reassured again and again I have nothing to fear, I still do. Lately it has been a bit tenuous since I found out that Beth was attracted to Morgan, kissed him, etc. I don't know, it just scares the hell out of me. I fear I am not good enough. I'm worried I am the old, the unexciting (because let's face it, I am not very exciting). I am the known. People want excitement. People want new. What am I to do?

So yes. I am down about all of this. It seems I can't go a day without hearing about Morgan doing this, Morgan saying that, or something about Dexter, which Morgan introduced to Beth. On the surface, it may seem innocent enough, but it always feels like my heart is being torn out each and every time; and that's why I get quiet. Introspective. Saddenned.

This entry should not be taken that last night sucked, because it was positive on many levels, and aside from the blip, it was wonderful.


I may have a consistent job in the Kindergarten for the rest of the year, with benefits as an Aide. This is good, the kids are adorable, and it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Furthermore, there is a Social Studies position opening up in the Fall at the High School, and I already have several people (professors, teachers, principals, former staff, and other staff) ready to sing my praises for the position, which is an excellent start to getting my foot in the door and a permanent job. Maybe i'll be able to move back into Potsdam sometime =)

Not that Canton is bad. It is just lonely.

And now, I should get some sleep, those Kindergartners have so much energy.
nomnomchuupie: (Default)
First real blogging post in well over a year. Followed Beth over after she had been here a while.

Hopefully blogging will help me be less depressed, because lately, I have been insanely down. It isn't really like me, I don't think I have been this down since I was 15 or 16. That's like 10 years.

(Well, maybe more like 5 or so years, I think I was pretty depressed in the middle of my college career too?)

Anyway, hopefully it helps. I'm not sure if it is the things going on with Beth (where I am not always 100% where we stand, I think we are together, but sometimes it feels as if I am just a mover, a chauffeur, or a provider of other services and that is it. Other times, I feel as if things are doing a bit better.

Might be on my end, but who knows. Hopefully things begin to get better again, because I want to feel like I used to when I was with her. Back when the world stopped whenever we were together. Now, the world goes too fast, time goes too fast, and it isn't very nice.

Post Post Post. Just regurgitating what is going on in my mind.

We shall see what today brings. I'm going to watch some hockey, and see if Beth does want to come over. I know I'll have to go drive to Potsdam to pick her up, but...why not? At least I'll be able to spend more than just an hour or two with her (provided she doesn't hide on her computer like she had been when she came over here last month).

Then back to Kindergarten Monday. Hooray?


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